This past school year was a nightmare—an absolute soul-crushing, completely overwhelming nightmare.
My son is almost 13 and has Level 3 Autism. For those who may not know, this means he is considered “severe” and “needing substantial support.” At school, this looks like a modified day with minimal interaction with peers, especially as he gets older. He has an aide with him for almost every moment of the day.
Every person on the spectrum is different, and for my son, this looks like struggles with communication, sensory challenges, a need for repetition and routine, hand flapping, and squealing. On his most dysregulated days, it includes screaming, hitting himself and others, kicking, and biting—behaviors that are any parent’s worst nightmare. And even more so for a child who cannot effectively communicate his needs or struggles.
He just started 6th grade, and his anxiety was higher than I’ve ever seen it. His tolerance for any kind of demand became almost nonexistent, with the smallest thing setting him off. We faced suspension after suspension, followed by endless meetings. Soon, we were approaching the “Manifestation IEP Meeting,” which would determine if his behavior was a direct result of his disability. That decision could ultimately lead to the school saying, “We are not equipped to handle your son’s needs. We will need to seek other educational opportunities.”
As a mom, I was terrified. My child was expressing extreme upset, and I didn’t know why. I had gut feelings about this or that, but in the moment, you feel completely lost. Thoughts like, “How did I fail him?” or “What have I missed?” consumed me. The self-blame was overwhelming.
In that desperation, I didn’t know what else to do—except pray. I started a prayer journal and poured down every raw emotion I felt. Writing became a release, and the more I wrote, the more I found myself talking to God throughout my day. Slowly, I began to feel peace, even in the middle of chaos. God met me where I was and encouraged me to keep going.
While things improved after some alterations in his IEP, we are still working through challenges. But the weight no longer feels as heavy as it did before. I find comfort knowing that God made my son exactly as He needed him to be to fulfill His purpose. God doesn’t make mistakes.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Parenting a child with Autism, especially through the most challenging moments, isn’t easy. There are days that feel unbearable, full of fear and doubt. But even in the chaos, I’ve learned that God’s presence is constant, His grace sufficient, and His plans perfect. I hold onto the truth that He made my son exactly as He intended, with a purpose only He knows.
If you’re walking a similar journey, remember: you are not alone. God sees every tear, every struggle, and every victory along the way. Trust Him, lean on Him, and let His peace fill the spaces where fear once lived.
